My Utmost for His Highest

If I say, "I will wait till I get into the circumstances and then put God to the test," I shall find I cannot. I must get the thing settled between my self and God in the secret places of my soul where no stranger intermeddles, and then I can go forth with the certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity and disaster and upset are as sure as God's decree. The reason the battle is not won is because I try to win it in the external world first. Get alone with God, fight it out before Him, settle the matter there once and for all.

Sandy V always tells me to pray about something for 24 hours before bringing the issue to the surface. By then, God will either take care of it, or he'll give you the exact words to say to make the solution happen.

I went to the dentist on Thursday.

This was Thursday.



I have 2 cavities btw.
I get em filled the day before I leave.
That's a bit overwhelming.
I think Mom's gonna try to work her magic in getting those filled sooner.

the chain.

real music. ugh. If I ever finished a song, I would want it to be this amazing. ugh.

Listen below. Follow along below that.

Lyrics to The Chain :
The sky looks pissed.
The wind talks back.
The bones are shifting in my skin and you my love are gone.

My room seems wrong.
The bed won't fit.
I can not seem to operate and you my love are gone

(Chorus)
So glide away and so be healed and promise not to promise anymore and if you come around again then i will take, then i will take the chain from off the door

I'll never say, I'll never love
but I dont say a lot of things and you my love are gone

a sarah blog first

today I feel sufficient

Today I didn't do too much. a few dishes, swipe here, a cleaning there, a cleaning out here, a messing up there. I read half a book(I won't say which because apparently it will cause too much controversy) and slept a bit. I tried to play Rainbow Connection(act like you don't know the melody.)
I've been getting little done with all of my time. And at first, I felt funny having all this time and nothing major to do with it. But today, I forced myself to sit down and just read and enjoy iTunes on shuffle. Get to know my thoughts again. It's been a thrilling day for such a boring one. This is me at 2am. 34 days left until I need a new power cord for my computer. 34 more days.

craaaamps

tonight was fun.
1.I found out there are a few people that I didn't think would be athletic that are.
2.I turned white and green/blue shoes into brown and green/blue shoes playing volleyball in the grass.
3.Levi came to Crossfire with me.
4.I found out that brothers are just as protective of their brothers as Joe is for me.
5.I almost finished my thank you's.
6.I spent time with the fam. things are good.

bad things.
1.I have cramps.
2.I started my period early(why??!).
3.I have to be at in service tomorrow at 6:15am.
4.My hair is wet and cold and probably a bit sweaty.
5.I have to sleep on it.
6.There was really bad Sweet potatoes with way too much cinnamon at the thanksgiving dinner tonight.
7.I still have to find a replacement for thanksgiving.
8. I took medicine, yet I still have cramps.

curse eve's faulty choosings.

I'm on Steroids

I am agitated today. All day. Except I couldn't figure out why. Found out why. Steroids suck joy out of you. Literally. Like a swirly swoopy straw. A neon green swirly swoopy sucky straw of steroid death. Pour that in your kiddie cup and drink it.

old chap

Ecclesiastes Chapter 4

13 Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning. 14 The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. 15 I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. 16 There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

poor ecclesiastes. so much wisdom, and yet so much sarcasm. so much hopelessness.
I feel this way sometimes. Not the wise part, but the sarcasm among wise things because I feel so far away from the best. I feel like if I can't be all things to all people it's a waste of time.

He saw me striving. And He chose the nails anyway.

I guess all I can trust is that souls matter, I matter, He matters, and nothing else matters. He walks us out of the jails we put ourselves in. He deals with our embarassment and shame and feelings of worthlessness and takes it upon Himself.

And when I remember this I sound less like the meaningless nature of Ecclesiastes and more like the poor youth who is wise enough to become a king's successor.

Special Olympics 2007...I'm almost famous.

FYI

The nifty new widget to this post's right is powered by a little company called pay pal. Here's the relevant FYI: although it sends you to my name, it doesn't send you to my bank account...which means you can't donate yet. So don't get your panties in a ruffle, I will attach some form of money catcher to it soon. I just want to scope out my massive Australian options first. okay, much love to you all on this rainy Monday early morning.

Grace & Peace

chains be broken

things I'm remembering/learning:

• a woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved

• Isaiah 58:11 (New International Version)

  11 The LORD will guide you always;
  he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
  and will strengthen your frame.
  You will be like a well-watered garden,
  like a spring whose waters never fail.
  (so basically it's okay to have needs. He's there to fill them.)

• I must fight busyness.
• God longs to quiet me with His love.
  
• God does not attack your worth.
• People will hurt us. If you don't want to get hurt, don't love anybody.
• When God speaks to you about people it will always motivate you to love them, not judge them.
  
• Opinion divides, Godly counsel builds.
• God wants to romance me. Even if it's awkward.
  

my evening at the Cobbs

This is Taelor. She is the new center of the universe.
We think she's pretty too.

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In other news, my cousin was on NBC Nightly News tonight. His name is Jamie. I'm pretty proud of him :)

indie-trendy (a completely stereotypical l rant for no good reason)

I don't feel cool when i walk into a room of indie rock stars. but my family is made up of indie rock star. It's like 3 parts awkward normal, 2 parts rock star. My cousin took part in inventing it's conversations. I mean, his conversations were happening before, they're just louder now. I want to reinvent something. Something emo. Something indie-trendy.

I want to make it cool to wear Gap boyfriend trousers, clogs, and not straighten your hair. And I want everyone to walk around in ballet flats.

even the boys.

The truth is, in humdinger Sebastian fl, there isn't much indie going on.
We're all white trash striving to appear middle class.

But it seems to me that Indie-trendy is only cool if you have the money to dress nice but choose to shop at Goodwill anyways.

The important thing is that they all appear to care about important causes. And they do that by reading and posting crummy bulletins about tons of worthwhile non-profits. I wish we gave them more credit.And they show how much they care about nonprofits by pretending they don't have time to care about their appearance. They spend hours on the messy hair look. They attempt to NOT match in the coolest way possible. They put on all of their clothes or none of their clothes. They cut themselves. They metaphorically dance through their problems by wearing ballet flats. even the boys.(I'm dreaming big here.)

It all seems so shallow. So filled with cares concerning concern for the burdened: themselves.

...and yet they are so dang alluring.

I am stuck between Gap Outlet sundresses and indie-trendy neon glasses.

I am stuck between wearing a crimson cashmere cardigan or going in my pj's wearing Uggs and NOT brushing my hair. and accessorizing with everything I own.

And so I sit here in my paisley brown covers wearing half a bathing suit, athletic shorts from Target, and a Gap hoodie. To the left of me is a book inspiring the spiritual and psychological womanness I possess. and a half broken motorola phone that can't hold a charge. I am typing on my macbook that is now accessorized to look like a pumkin and my hair isn't brushed, and my heating pad is on high and ballet flats are scattered in an array of ROYGBIV on my wooden floor. and I wonder how indie trendy all of this must appear. In my girly time of the month. Without chocolate or boys.

the satisfying conversation

amy and I talked for an hour and a half tonight in the srhs parking lot. a lot about spirituality. a lot about our questions and her questions. a lot about our concerns and what we worship and how we worship. we realize more and more that we love to talk to one another. we glean so much from the other's perspective.
tonight, we talked about moses and the inspiration of the Bible. when God said the Bible was inspired, what exactly does that mean? like, amy said, this conversation, this satisfying conversation, was inspired. but my perspective and her perspective of this satisfying conversation will be completely different. we will both write different things. we will be equally inspired in different ways. and we wonder if the Bible is anything like this unique conversation.

there is so much more to Him. there is so much mystery. even the bread and butter; the sunday school, if you will, is so mysterious and spellbinding. the arks and the manna and the miracles and the love. so mysterious. do we question God or do we celebrate the fact that we can't put God in a box?

I like to celebrate Him. I like to remember that when there is an inspired word of the Bible I don't understand, I can thank God that his thoughts are higher than mine. If I could understand everything He said, He wouldn't be a big God. I need Him to be big. He has to be.

I can celebrate that.

and Amy and I left that conversation with a better understanding of eachother and possibly ourselves. and I feel like maybe we both needed tonight to get through tomorrow. because I needed to know that I am not perceived as judgmental, and she needed to know that she has more spiritual insight than she gives herself credit for.

and tomorrow when I listen to worship music I will think of her.

I am so excited to be a part of her life. and I needed to write about it.